He's More Myself Than I Am

I keep having this overwhelming desire to read “Wuthering Heights” again. I’ve already read it twice, and the last time wasn’t even a year ago.

The funny thing is that it isn’t even my favorite book. I’m not even sure if I even really like it.

Let’s face it, Heathcliff is a jerk. He’s tyrannical, cruel, heartless, and sometimes downright evil. He’s no Mr. Darcy, there is very little real romance between him and Catherine, and he just isn’t a very relatable character (unless, of course, you find yourself to be as equally heartless and cruel as he is).

And then, *sigh* there is Catherine. She and Heathcliff deserve each other. She is just as mean, cold-hearted, and unfeeling as he is, sometimes more so. She doesn’t deserve Edgar. He may be spoiled and a coward, but he is not a bad guy. Catherine on the other hand, is just one big, beautiful ball of misery.

And outside of the characters, we don’t even have a very nice setting. Let’s face it, the wind at this place “wuthers.” From the way it’s described in the book, that’s not altogether a very nice, comforting sound, but rather kind of haunting. In fact, Wuthering Heights is a very desolate, cold, unforgiving sort of location. Even the house falls into disrepair until it appears like it should be condemned.

Over all, there are few lovable characters, almost no comforting, “warm and fuzzy” moments, little romance, and very inhospitable settings. So why do I love it so much? I don’t. Yet, I keep coming back to it.

I think that the draw for me is the haunting atmosphere of the first few chapters where Catherine’s ghost haunts the manor, the way Heathcliff’s devotion to Catherine remains long after her death, and their undying love for each other. I love the idea that two people can love each other so intensely that they love past all the anger, past all of each other’s hideous faults, past the problems and the pain, past never actually being able to be together because society said it was wrong.

Sometimes when I read it, it makes me feel better about my own life and the relationships that I have, because none of them are nearly as messed up as Heathcliff and Catherine’s. Yet, there is another part of me that desires a love with that kind of devotion. What they had extended past distance, time, and all other obstructions. I know it’s just a book, but I too want to be with the one who is “more myself than I am.”

The 80’s Have Returned…and I Apologize…

To paraphrase a joke my friend used to tell: I apologize for the 80's/90's fashion. I was there. I could have stopped it. 

Reasons why the 80’s and 90’s have returned with a vengeance—all observations after a trip to the mall:

1.       The “pumped up kicks” in the shoe store are hideous. They are all neon green and hot pink—a color combination I thought we left in the 1980’s.

2.       I spotted a man sitting in the middle of the food court, talking on a bright red, curly cord, phone receiver…that was attached to his cell phone. At first, I didn't even think this was odd at all.

3.       The prom dresses! (insert scream here) The dresses are back with a VENGEANCE! They are all polka dotted and poofy! I legitimately saw puffy sleeves, like all those hideous dresses at Good Will that have not sold since the late 80’s, early 90’s.  

4.       There are rumors of an NSync reunion.  Yes. (This has nothing to do with my trip to the mall, but deserves placement in my list anyway.)

Now—go listen to some boy bands (pre-2000, preferably), put on a little Full House or Punky Brewster, and crimp your hair…NOW!

At The End of The Day.

At the end of the day, I’ve realized that relationships are the single most important thing in my life to me.

At the end of the day, I don’t want to just date; I want to be loved.

At the end of the day, I don’t want to cling. I want to trust. Despite everything I’ve been through, I still want to trust.

At the end of the day, I don’t mind crying a little if I can be comforted by a friend.

At the end of the day, I want to be a better person that I was the day before.

At the end of the day, I just want that void to be filled. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. It doesn’t have to be this year, or the next…just “someday.”

At the end of the day, I know that no matter what the day had been like or how empty I might sometimes feel, I know that I am loved. And for right now, for today, that's enough.

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Me (Or Maybe a Few You Did…)

I like to read Little Women at Christmas. It makes me feel like I’m coming home, but I usually only read up to the part where (spoiler) Beth dies.

I am secretly a rap artist. No really. I can beatbox like nobody’s business.

I am HIGHLY Synaesthetic. (Look it up or ask me)

As a writer, I have a “muse.” He’s a character who seems to appear in nearly everything I write. I love him.

I own a skateboard named Nunzio.

My GPS is named Chantal. She is British and she doesn’t like some of my friends. Sometimes we fight.

When I’m tired, I act like I’m drunk. I say “I love you” way too much, and often don’t make any sense. My closest friends know not to talk to me after midnight unless they want to talk to “emotional Abigail.”

I want to always be elegant, feminine, Victorian, a princess.

I have a degree in theatre as well as in creative writing.

I’m a hopeless romantic.