For Good.

A few blogs ago, I wrote about a phone conversation with my mother that had gone like this:

“You know, these last two years have been the hardest ones of my entire life,” I said. “If I took all of the bad, tragic things that have ever happened to me, about 90% of them happened between 2013 and 2014.”

“I know,” my mother answered on the end of the other line. “It’s true. It’s been that way for us too."

This is true. These have been the hardest years of my life. When I was standing there, deep in the muck of depression and heartache, I thought I would never get out. I felt like God had abandoned me. But, he hadn't.

Oddly enough, it was in these moments that he stood the closest. He whispered in my ear, and he held my hand while I slept. When I cried out in my heart for him, he heard me, and he not only carried me through the mire of despair, but he delivered me from my darkest moments.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me (Psalm 23 nkjv).

Last night while talking on the phone with someone, I had a “perspective moment,” where I think God allowed me to look back on the past several years and realize how far he’s brought me. Yes life has been hard. Yes, I lost loved ones. Yes, my heart was broken.

But something has changed.

I’m beginning to see God’s hand through all of the brokenness. God’s been slowly changing things in my life, putting together all the shattered pieces. And last night, I realized for the first time, that I’m starting to see pathways from the bad stuff, which has led to some good stuff. And it hit me, that if I hadn't gone through some of those difficulties, I wouldn't have been ready for some of the blessings that I now have.

Now, I’m able to more fully appreciate the gifts that God’s given me, and I’m able to help others who are going through similar trials that I went through. If I hadn't gone through those times, I wouldn't have been able to do either of those things. I’m reminded of this verse in Genesis,

You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day (Genesis 50:20).

So, I know this is small, just a little taste of how God works…

But for me, it’s a big thing.