I Just Find it Rude...

When did people stop asking to put you down as a reference? Growing up, my parents taught me the importance of a strong resume and references, but what they really emphasized was the importance of asking someone first. I grew up being taught that a reference is someone who has agreed to support you, to give a good report of you, your work ethic, your moral fiber, etc.

But this seems to have died.

This month alone, 4 people have put me down as a reference without asking me first. I am more than happy to brag like crazy about each and every one of them when the phone call comes. And they know that, so I guess I make a good reference. But, I hate getting that text message:

Friend: “Hey. What’s your address/email address?”

Me: “It is: __________________. Why?”

Friend: “ I’m using you as a reference.”

My face:

I want to know before I get that call, especially if it’s for a person I haven’t actually talked to in a long time. I don’t want to pick up and the conversation to go like this:

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of ­­­Mr. _______, regarding his application. He listed you as a close friend.”

Me: “Who? Oh, yes. Ehem. Mr. ­­­_______... I didn’t know. I haven’t talked to him in a while…”

Me stumbling through my answer and being clueless doesn’t make you look very good…

I guess I mostly find it rude due to an experience several years back. Someone I know had listed me as a reference, but didn’t tell me. I was then barraged with a battery of phone calls from a government worker (it was for a government job). Not only could the person on the phone barely speak a clear sentence, but the questions were never-ending. I was more than happy to help the guy out, but a little warning that this was coming would have been nice.

So, moral of the story here is this: let’s go back to the lovely old-fashioned way of asking permission before putting someone down as a reference. I promise, if you do that first, I’ll gush about you…and I won’t tell them embarrassing stories about silly things you’ve done.