Lies...Lies of the Devil.

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re just not good enough? That maybe you’re too damaged to ever be loved by anyone?

Lies. Lies of the Devil.

I feel that way, especially lately. In a culture that’s so centered around male/female love and sex, there is so much pressure to find “the one,” and to get married so that you can finally obtain that “true love,” that all the movies are talking about.

I've bitten the apple and swallowed the belief myself. I fight against it because my inner feminist won’t take that lying down, but it’s still there all the same.

I went through two bad relationships this year. One you all know about because I talked about him a lot earlier in the year. Well, I got over than and forgave him. The second was in some ways worse than the first because he led me on, and then started seeing another girl while he was still with me, seeing me...kissing me. Yeah. On top of that, when we were dating, he didn't tell anyone about me. It was as if he was ashamed of me, hiding me away from the world.

I got used. I got played. Being hidden away like that, and then cheated on made me feel as if I was useless, unloved, worthless.

But that can’t be right…right?

Right.

Why is it that I can’t seem to find my worth in God, where I’m supposed to find it? Often, I think that’s because I feel as if I’m not good enough for Him either. And let’s face it. I’m not. No one is. But see, that’s the thing. God loves me regardless of the stupid stuff I do. He loves me in my anger, in my hurt, in my sin, in my bitterness. And let me tell you, that’s more unconditional love than I’m ever going to get from any guy.

And no, this isn't one of those “I’m never dating again,” posts, because as friends have said in describing me before, “She really likes boys.” Yeah. I’m not done by a long shot. I’ll keep dating and maybe someday I’ll find somebody good.

But in the meantime, I’m going to keep getting up in the morning, I’m going to keep going to work. I’m going to keep being happy (because that’s a choice), and I’m going to keep putting my desires, needs, and sense of self-worth back in God’s hands, even if I have to place them there every freaken day. Because that is where that belongs.

No one is too broken or messed up for God to fix. And you know what? He’s not finished with me yet.