Money Can't Buy Happiness, But it Can Buy Victoria's Secret...(and that's kind of the same thing)

Pretty much all of last year I blogged about “the gap.” No. I am not talking about the clothing store (note the lower case letters). I was talking about a gap, a hole within myself. It was something that I felt after Matt and I broke up.

I tried desperately all summer and fall to fill that gap. I tried to fill it with friends. I tried to fill it with a rebound boyfriend. I tried to fill it with Victoria’s Secret.

And let me tell you, none of those things were able to make that gap go away, although, I have to admit, Victoria’s came the closest. I mean, seriously, how can anyone be sad when walking out of the store carrying that pink stripped bag, overflowing with pink and red tissue paper? Psh! Not this girl! So yes, VS did a better job of filling “the gap,” than even the rebound boyfriend did.

But, getting back on track here, I remember sitting at my favorite park several months ago, pondering that aching void within me, wondering what I could put in it. I realized then that the more I tried to fill that gap, the wider it grew.

Well yesterday I went back to the park for the first time in months. It was a warm day. I had just come back from an amazing church service at a new church. And now here I was, all alone, sitting outside reading The Beautiful and the Damned.

And you know what I discovered? I was SO happy. I have been happy for several weeks now, I’d even venture to say all year so far. Yet, I hadn't really stopped to think about the happiness. So, here I was, back at my favorite epiphany spot, and I knew right then and there that the gap had closed. The wound has scabbed over, and I am no longer a broken person. I am whole again.

A situation that would have made me sad a few months ago, sitting all alone at a park, spending the day in only my own company, actually made me happy. I realized that I wasn't alone and I wasn't lonely. I felt satisfied with myself. For the first time in my life, I’m finally okay with me, myself, and I.

Now that’s not to say that I wouldn't have loved to have had some company. If a friend had come along, I would have enjoyed that just as much, but the important thing is that, I didn't need anyone else to be happy.

And I think that’s a big deal.