What I Learned (or didn't learn) From 90's Pop

Growing up on 90’s (and early 00’s) pop can mess with your head a little. Not convinced? Take a look at what a few of the more popular songs of the time had to say about dating:

Christina Aguilera: Genie in a Bottle:

If you wanna be with me

Baby there's a price to pay

I'm a genie in a bottle

You gotta rub me the right way

And how about this little gem?

The Spice Girls: Wannabe:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,(gottagetwithmyfriends!)

Did anyone ever find out what a “zigazig ah” is? Or is it right up there with the mysteries of the world, like where is Waldo REALLY? And what the heck is a “hollaback girl?” These are the unsolved mysteries, my friend.

Oh! And let’s not forget my personal favorite:

The Backstreet Boys: As Long as You Love Me:

I don't care who you are

Where you're from

What you did

As long as you love me

Well, first of all. I am not a genie in a bottle. Please do not “rub me.” I find that highly disturbing. And contrary to popular 90’s belief, if you want to be with me, please do not “get with” my friends. That will just end badly. And I hate to disagree with all the wisdom of the almighty Backstreet Boys (all hail!), but I do care who you are and where you are from because I’m not into this whole “wow, we just met and I know nothing about you, but let’s get together!” stuff.

You know, I've tried the “instant dating” thing before, where I met someone randomly, gave him my number, and then within a short period of time, we were together. And do you know what? I got my heart broken repeatedly, because I didn't really know who he was. And when issues started to come out, we fell apart, because we were never really friends to begin with, so we had nothing to fall back on once the initial romance was over.

I've learned from that. I know better. So can we rewrite some of these songs? How about this?

I do care who you are,

Where you’re from,

What you did,

Because I’m not okay with a prison record.

Or how about:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get to know me for a little while

Just so I can make sure you’re not crazy...

And I’m not even going to attempt Genie in a Bottle. Let's just not go there...