Cosmic Irony

It hasn’t even been a week since my relationship ended yet, I’m already experiencing stages of grief. I’ve had a pretty decent couple of days, well, as decent as can be expected when one is grieving. That is, until something happened today.

When I went to get the mail, there was a package waiting for me from a publishing company. I hadn’t submitted any manuscripts lately, so I was sure it couldn’t be anything about my writing. I took the package upstairs and opened it, hurriedly. Inside were two copies of the same book: Get Lost, by Dannah Gresh. I had never heard of it. On top of the books was a letter from the publishing company telling me that the books were a prize for a contest I had entered. Then, I remembered and instantly began to cry.

Quite a while ago, when things had still been good between Matt and me, I had seen an advertisement from an organization that I follow called “Project Inspired.” It is run by a young woman who has dedicated her life to helping girls accept themselves, see their true beauty, and find their identity in God. When I saw that they were asking girls to write their “true love story,” I thought, “I have a true love story. I should enter!” So, I did.

Well, I won. Somehow, my love story, my perfect love story, that not even a week ago crashed and burned, had won the contest. I bawled in my room over the painful irony.

Someone out there has it out for me, I swear. I keep thinking about that moment in The Little Rascals movie where Alfalfa looks up at the sky and says, “And the clouds opened up and God said, ‘I hate you, Alfalfa.” Yep. I was having one of those moments.

I couldn’t even revel in the fact that I had won the contest. All I could think about was how my wound had just barely begun to scab over, ever so slightly, only to have the Band-Aid ripped off all over again. My heart broke anew.

So, I took a walk, listened to Taylor Swift moan about her failed relationships, and felt commiseration with her. Then I returned to the house and picked up one of the books I had won. I figured that I might as well see what it had to say.

The book is all about how God is the only one who can fulfill our longing for love, and by “our,” I mean us ladies. Just a day or so ago, I had been talking to my mother on the phone and she said that it is natural to have this great desire for a man to love us. She says it comes right from Genesis, when Adam and Eve sinned and part of Eve’s punishment was that her “desire shall be for [her] husband” (3:16). Well, I had never thought about this before, but it seemed legit.

Then, as I was reading the first chapter of the book, the author wrote about this desire to be loved by a man, and called it “the craving.” She then went on to talk about the exact Bible verse that my mother had just mentioned to me.

A little voice inside of me said, “Darn it, Mom was right again.” But, I kept reading anyway. Not only did the book confirm the craving, but it began to talk about how that craving will continue to kill relationships until the woman learns to satisfy her need for love by turning to God.

I’ve always been told this was important, but it was never something that I had really stopped to think about before, or to even actually process what it meant. I honestly can’t say that I get it right now. But, maybe I’ll figure it out soon.

I can’t help but wonder at God’s hand in all of this. Did He specifically have me see that ad for that contest, just to have me enter it, win it, and receive the book just when He knew I would need it the most?

I don’t know…but I’ve seen Him do some crazy stuff before…