Cornered

Today I didn’t go to church. I was too afraid to go there and run into him. So, I stayed home and walked to the park in my neighborhood to read my Bible. I felt so peaceful and happy there, until he came.

There is no place to escape him. He is everywhere. Our lives are so intertwined that no matter where I go or what I do in this big city, somehow, he turns up. I hate it.

He and his brothers and a friend ended up playing a game of volleyball just yards from where I was sitting. I tried to be brave and stay, but eventually I had to go.

What hurt the most was that I had spent the last five months with all four of those guys, and the only one who acknowledged my presence was Josh, Matt’s older brother.

I feel so conflicted. I wanted to talk to Matt, and I wanted to ignore him…yet it hurt that he ignored me. I love him, I hate him.

So, I left the park and walked to his house and rang the doorbell. I knew his parents would be the only ones there. They welcomed me in and we talked, I cried, they hugged and kissed me, like I was their daughter.

Then, when Matt came home, they sneaked me out the back door so that he wouldn’t see me.

So now…my heart cries out to God, asking, “Why did you put me here, in this neighborhood, in this job, at this church, at this school, all of it, in some way, tied to Matt or his family, if you were just going to end it all anyway?”

I don’t understand.