Getting Lost

Today I took some chances, adventured out, and even got lost. I didn’t realize that I was seeking the sea until I was already on my way towards it. I did something I’ve never done before: I began to drive without knowing my destination. I just drove. Years ago I remember traveling with a friend who used to take me on “spirit journeys,” where he would just drive wherever the “spirit” led him. I felt sort of like that today as I drove, getting myself hopelessly lost in the process (but then again…can anyone really ever be lost in this world of GPS’s and iPhones?).

Eventually, I somehow ended up exactly where I wanted to be: Sandbridge. I hadn’t really been aware that this was my end destination, but yet here it was, and here I was.

I took off my shoes and shuffled through the damp sand. It was raining and I was still wearing my new dress, but I didn’t care. I walked up and down on the beach, probably looking like an oddity in my church dress, and a loner. But again, I didn’t care.

At one point, I ventured too far towards the water and an icy wave (which I had greatly underestimated) swept up and tried to bring me down in its cold caress. I jumped back, but it was too late. I was already soaked from the waist down. But even this time, I didn’t care.

When I had soaked in enough of the sand and the waves (although I still wonder if one can ever have enough), I trudged back to my car and did another thing that I’ve never done before: drive home barefooted. I can actually see my mother rolling her eyes as she reads this.

All of these things, from getting lost to walking in the rain and getting my dress wet, are all things that would have bothered me before and made me either panic or fret over. But today none of that seemed to matter anymore, if it ever really did.

I think that I’ve been a barrier to my own happiness for so long that I forgot how to be carefree, if I ever really even knew. Life isn’t about “don’t-walk-in-the-rain-you-will-catch-a-cold” rules or “always-know-where-you-are-going” suggestions, because sometimes you discover some of the best things when you think you are lost. And sometimes, we all just need a cleansing rain.