Unhappy, But Not Un-Joyful

Two weeks. Two weeks without him. It seems so short, doesn’t it? Not to me it doesn’t. To me, I’ve spent ten years in those two weeks. I’ve ached, I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve been angry, I’ve been weak( oh so weak), and I’ve cried…then I cried some more.

But I’ve realized something. I’ve been so unhappy, but I’ve not been un-joyful. In those two weeks, the outpouring of love showered upon me by friends and family alike has been marvelous. Some of the people who have been able to help me the most were even people that I barely knew before. In the words of one friend (I hope he won’t mind me quoting him…or rather misquoting him): “I would be a jerk to know you are suffering and not reach out to help.” Wow. We had barely even met before, and here he became one of my chief comforters.

I am so thankful for my family who reached out to me daily and wrote me encouraging notes. This meant so much to me, especially in the wake of losing the people who had come to be my “Virginia Beach family.” And then there are the girlfriends who fielded frantic, hysterical, midnight calls from me and were somehow able to talk me down. There has even been one friend who I now realize has been there for me in just about all of my toughest adult-life troubles. As our friendship has grown and matured, so has the love that I feel for him.

And here I sit, on the evening after my graduation, pondering the last two weeks of hell. I still cry, and I still feel lonely, but I can’t help but see all of the good that didn’t just appear because of my adversity; it was there all along, I just has been too caught up in life to really see it. Now it is magnified, and I can’t even count all of the true friends that I have or the real relationships that I have cultivated. In losing one person, I came to the realization that there are so many more relationships in my life that aren’t going to go away, so many people who will never simply give up and stop loving just because times get hard.

The simple fact that I had family and friends who not only took the time to make the four hour drive, spend the money for the weekend, but also brave the rain to simply watch me graduate tells me that there really are relationships out there that are strong enough to stand the strain, emotion, and drama that are simply…me. These people don’t just take me at my best, when I am shining and cheerful, but at my worst, when the tears stream down my face and I’m crying out for help.

If you have taken the time to actually read this syrupy dribble without closing the tab, then you must be among one of the people mentioned above and I would like to tell you that I count you among my choicest friends and relationships.

I love you. Goodnight.