Friday, March 28, 2014

The Fat Girl Who Lives in My Head...

You know, when I moved to the beach a year and a half ago, no one knew me here. No one. Not a soul. There was no one who had watched me grow up, who knew my parents, who had seen my past relationships, who had seen my high school fat pictures.

That’s right. Fat pictures. Let’s face it. Most people have some, usually from that middle to high school time of life. As a teenager I was overweight by roughly 40lbs. I’m a tiny girl, only 5’ 4” with a very small frame. I remember falling onto the couch one time and being in an odd position, I was not able to get up.

Yeah. I try not to think about those days.

But I lost the weight, all 40lbs. And do you know how I did it? I exercised. I ate right. I worked my butt off (literally). I denied myself chocolate (and nearly every other sweet) for 5 years straight. I sacrificed. And it was hard, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But it was worth it.

Now today, I weigh right at my target weight, give or take a couple pounds. And I know that I’m thin, however, let me tell you something: the fat girl who lives in my brain is never going to go away. I’m conscious of every spoonful of food that goes in my mouth. I cringe at the way I look in my spandex ballet leotard. I still sometimes sit with a pillow over my stomach because I’m self-conscious of any rolls that might be there.

I get made fun of for these little quirks more often than you might think. My friends who make comments about my self-consciousness mean well. I think in a way they are trying to make me feel better or point out that I’m at a healthy weight. But do you know how they actually make me feel?

Bad. Just bad.

Most of the people who make comments are friends who didn't know me in my fat days. They've never seen me with extra weight on. When they look at me, they don’t know that I’m a girl who fights every day of her life to keep the weight off. They don’t know about the hundreds of sit-ups that I do daily to fight off the bulge. All they see is a skinny girl, who has always been skinny and can eat whatever she wants.

And although you might mean well, just like you wouldn't make fun of someone for being overweight, don’t tease someone who being skinny either, saying things like “Look at you! You could eat whatever you want!” because you automatically downgrade that person’s experience, that person’s struggles.

And if you too find yourself to be struggling with weight, I understand. I know where you are coming from. I’ve been there. You can make it through this. You can lose the weight. But just remember, you aren't the only one with this struggle, so please don’t put down other people because you think that they don’t understand what you’re going through. Chances are that that skinny girl on the beach has been right where you are at some point in her life.  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

What I Learned (or didn't learn) From 90's Pop


Growing up on 90’s (and early 00’s) pop can mess with your head a little. Not convinced? Take a look at what a few of the more popular songs of the time had to say about dating:

Christina Aguilera: Genie in a Bottle:
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way

And how about this little gem?

The Spice Girls: Wannabe:
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,(gottagetwithmyfriends!)

Did anyone ever find out what a “zigazig ah” is? Or is it right up there with the mysteries of the world, like where is Waldo REALLY? And what the heck is a “hollaback girl?” These are the unsolved mysteries, my friend.

Oh! And let’s not forget my personal favorite:

The Backstreet Boys: As Long as You Love Me:
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me

Well, first of all. I am not a genie in a bottle. Please do not “rub me.” I find that highly disturbing. And contrary to popular 90’s belief, if you want to be with me, please do not “get with” my friends. That will just end badly. And I hate to disagree with all the wisdom of the almighty Backstreet Boys (all hail!), but I do care who you are and where you are from because I’m not into this whole “wow, we just met and I know nothing about you, but let’s get together!” stuff.

You know, I've tried the “instant dating” thing before, where I met someone randomly, gave him my number, and then within a short period of time, we were together. And do you know what? I got my heart broken repeatedly, because I didn't really know who he was. And when issues started to come out, we fell apart, because we were never really friends to begin with, so we had nothing to fall back on once the initial romance was over.

I've learned from that. I know better. So can we rewrite some of these songs? How about this?
I do care who you are,
Where you’re from,
What you did,
Because I’m not okay with a prison record.

Or how about:
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get to know me for a little while
Just so I can make sure you’re not crazy...

And I’m not even going to attempt Genie in a Bottle. Let's just not go there...


Monday, March 10, 2014

God vs. Charles Dickens

I remember the first time I read Great Expectations. I closed the book and simply stood there in awe of it: the plot twists, the meandering story lines, the characters, and the incredible surprises that the author interwove throughout the entire story. If I had been wearing a hat, I would have taken it off in honor to the author. I have yet to find another story as well-written or as intricately woven as that one.

And today I was hit with a parallel: life is a lot like a well-written story. When I look at my life, I see the incredible good, with the horrendous bad. I mean, take this week for example. Just when I had thought I would never hear from a couple different people again, or thought I’d never actually get to know someone, suddenly things changed and I found myself sitting next to those people, chatting and having a great time.

Then yesterday, I was hanging out with a dear friend of mine, and she, being the crazy-wonderful person that she is, talked me into giving a guy, a complete stranger, my number. I don’t do that kind of thing normally, yet, it was thrilling and daring, and it filled me with life.

And then there are days like today where I randomly meet my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. And she was nice and sweet, and I felt bad for her, because she doesn't know that he cheated on me to be with her.

And although I was filled with turmoil inside of me, God worked a tiny little miracle, and had someone pray for me, asking for exactly what I needed at that moment: peace.

So even while my heart was hurting, there was something inside of me, tugging at me, saying, “There is so much more than this. There is so much greater. You are meant for so much more than this trivial stuff.” And I felt this peace flow through me, and I recognized it, because it was so much more than peace, it was joy. It was that same joy that has always been in me; the joy of the Lord.

And I look at God a lot like I looked at Dickens when I read his masterpiece. I’m in awe of how God has woven together the fibers of my life, the good ones and the bad ones. And I can’t even get mad when the bad ones ruin my day, because I see it as a whole. When I stand back and look at the plot-line of my life, I’m amazed by God’s authorship, and His ability to tell this great story that is my life. And I’m honored to get to play a role in that.


So even on days like today, I love my life. You just can’t make this stuff up.