A Post About Star Wars...I Mean...New Years

Do you know that scene from Star Wars Episode III where Anakin and Obi Wan are fighting in that fiery lava pit? Yeah, that one where Obi Wan has basically dismembered Anakin, cutting off both his legs and one arm, and he yells to him, “But you were my brother Anakin! I loved you!” And Anakin, despite the fact that he’s missing three limbs and is lying in a pile of hot coals, in no position to piss Obi Wan off any further, shouts back, “I hate you!” It’s a horrible, pain-filled, tragic scene, and you know that there is no way that anything good can come from it.

That was what 2013 felt like.

Let’s just let that sink in for a moment.

Got it?

Good.

I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to a new year as much as I am looking forward to 2014. I am just praying for a better year. If you know me at all or have been following my blog, then you’ve probably got a pretty good idea of what’s been happening, so I won’t rehash. What I will do, though, in the spirit of not being a complete Debbie Downer, is that I will tell you what I learned and what I gained through 2013:

·         A degree in English

·         A career using my degree

·         Ballet training

·         The knowledge of how not to “cast my pearls before swine,” as the Bible says

·         A much greater appreciation for my three best friends and the realization that so few people ever have even one friendship that is as strong as the friendships the four of us girls share together

·         The ability to discern a real friend from a fake one who is only trying to use me

·         The knowledge that I am much stronger than I ever realized

·         A new understanding of loyalty

·         The ability to not base my happiness off of another person’s opinion

·         Encouragement straight from God

·         A renewed faith in humanity after perfect strangers paid for my dinner once

·         The ability to say goodbye to harmful influences in my life

·         The knowledge that there still is (so much!)magic in the world

·         And the realization that I will go on living, I will keep loving even though it’s hard, and that God will never, ever desert me, even when everyone else might.

Happy New Year everyone.

Loyalty: Another Outspoken Rant

Loyalty. What does it mean to you? When you think about your best friends, does the word come to mind?

It does for me. To me, loyalty means:

·       Picking a side and sticking to it

·       Standing with someone even if that person is wrong

·       Being there for an individual no matter what he or she has done

·       Never abandoning the person you love

I think that’s a really beautiful word with an equally beautiful meaning. It makes me think of a conversation I had with my best friend a few nights ago when we were having a sleepover. I turned to her and said, “You know, no matter what happens, who you date, or what you do, I am always going to be on your side.”

Granted, that doesn't mean I have to agree with or believe that my friends are making the best or even the right choice, but what it does mean is that I've got their backs.

Sure, I can still tell them that I think they’re making the wrong choice, because there is nothing wrong with voicing one’s opinion. However, even if I think my best friends have made a mistake, you better bet your shiny, $200 boots that I’m going to back them up. Why? Because they are my friends. Because I believe in them. Because I love them. Because I am loyal to them. And no amount of boyfriends and break ups, choices and life experiences are going to change any of that.

That is what being a real, true, loyal friend means. And if it means that sometimes I’m standing behind someone who has made a bad decision, oh well. At the end of the day, I have what is really important: true friends who are just as loyal to me.

Because you know what? That is what makes a friendship worth it, knowing you can count on that one person to be in your corner, knowing that person isn't going to flip-flop on you the moment he or she doesn't agree with your side anymore. That is not a true friend. That is a shallow imitation of a friend. Even in the Bible Christ said, “He who is not with Me is against Me” (Matthew 12:30). If you do not stand for someone as well as fall with him, then you are really his enemy. 

And today, I’m proud to say that I know exactly who my true, loyal friends are. And I thank each and every one of you. If you go down, I’m going down too.

And heck. At least we’ll keep each other company.  

My Outspoken Feminist Post

Dear ladies,

If I hear the phrase “ring by spring,” one more time, someone is going to get hurt. Don’t you remember back when women didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, or at least, not the same colleges as the men attended?

No? Well, it happened.

In the past, a lot of women were denied higher education simply because of their gender, because they were expected to marry, stay at home, and raise children. There is nothing wrong with this at all, in fact, I think being a stay-at-home mom is awesome. But…what about education? What about bettering yourself and your mind?

Well, these women, our not-so-far-back ancestors, fought and pushed so that we can now go to college and have a real career. It’s not about “keeping up with the men.” What it is about is using the brains that God gave us and having a chance to think for ourselves.

So, if you’re only going to college to get your MRS. then I’m really sorry for you. Not only are you scoffing in the faces of the women who fought hard to have a chance at a higher education, but you are also missing out on a really amazing opportunity.

So go, finish your education. If you happen to meet Mr. Right in the process, that is fantastic. But please, don’t let that be your reason for attending college.

Sincerely,

A College Graduate

Wet Shoes and Wandering Souls

It was December 6^th, just a few days ago, and despite the fact that the sun had already set in Virginia, it was still 75 degrees. I couldn't handle being inside on a night like that, so I asked a friend to join me, and we decided to go to the ocean.

I've never been to the ocean at night before. The wind was warm as we got out of the car and made our way through the grassy dunes towards the water. He took off his shoes, I made my way through the sand, feeling the grains infiltrating through the cracks in my sneakers.

It was dark, the kind of dark where even the full moon behind us wasn't bright enough to eliminate the foggy, hazy darkness in front of my face. Before my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I was half-tempted to reach out for my friend’s hand; a childhood fear of the dark unknown gripped me for only a few seconds.

But then it was gone.

I could hear the sound of the sea as it heaved and roared in the night. Suddenly I realized that I hadn't seen it, this dear old friend, in months, and I had missed it so much. I thought about how it had continued its daily rituals without me and I felt as if I had missed out, like how a parent must feel when he or she has missed a significant part of a child’s life.

But now, I was back again, breathing in the salty air, clutching my coat to my throat, trying to keep the chilled air from getting too close to my skin. And all of a sudden everything was alright again. I was reunited with my love, and I could feel my soul, which had been tied up tightly within my chest all week, release into the open air, where it was allowed to fly and wander freely…

(…That is until my friend pushed me into the water, thus getting my shoes wet as well as sandy…)

But it was enough. It was enough to be close to the sea again. It was enough to feel my soul released. And it was enough to be that close to God, even for those few moments.

My Prayer.

Maybe I'm crazy because I still carry your Chapstick in my pocket.

Sometimes I put it on my lips, because it tastes like you.

Often I look down at my left hand and sigh because it's much too light. 

And I remember how we would have said our "I do's" just a week from now. 

But every night, when I say my prayers, I say a special one for you. 

It's not bitter. I'm no longer angry.

I simply ask God that He'll bless you and keep you,

And that someday you'll  do great things for Him. 

The Story of a Working Man

He looked up one day from his computer screen, and across the room of his spacious office, his eyes falling upon the proofs of his accomplishments: his various honors, diplomas, and degrees. And he sighed, because he had traded in his first love for the dreams forged by another person. He altered his plans and built goals to suit his wallet rather than his heart. And then one cold December day, he realized that he had achieved everything he ever wanted, only to realize that he never actually wanted any of this at all.

He didn't want money, only enough to live. But people had told him that he needed it.

He didn't want prosperity, not the kind that he now had, the kind that made him miserable.

He didn't want acclaim, but he had been told that it would make him happy.

So today he sits in an office, his soul tied up in his chest, waiting for 5:00 before it was allowed to soar again. And he wonders what it would have been like if he had followed his heart and done exactly what he pleased. Would he have failed? Maybe. But knowing that he had tried, might make up for it. At least, this is what he told himself. But…Is it too late now?

Maybe not. 

Tran-scen-dental.

Today I had an interesting discussion with a friend. We were talking about eras and movements, namely Postmodernism and Transcendentalism. He was looking at them from a social phenomenon and philosophy point of view, and I from a literature standpoint.

I began to tell him my interest in Transcendentalism, and how I have always felt like I identified with it a little. Granted, I know that their ideas of communes and separating out of society to get closer to nature don’t really work, especially from an economic point of view (yeah yeah … I know, we all need trade and economic stimulation, and work incentive…). I get that. Yet, there is something about that idea of utopia, that idyllic way of life that has always intrigued me.

And then it hit me: Utopia.

Utopia means “paradise” or “heaven.” I think that what I love about the whole Transcendentalist movement is the whole concept of living in a utopia. This of course is not something that will ever be possible on this flawed earth with us, a flawed people. But, someday, I know that I will reach that utopia. Now don’t freak out. I’m talking about heaven, with God, you know in a biblical sense.

I think that we all have an inward desire for heaven, a desire to be with God. Even those who don’t know God feel that desire because we were all designed by the same Creator. Why do you think we all long for world peace? We want that sense that we are safe, that everything is alright, and that it’s always going to BE alright.

It’s a very human longing, and I think that’s what I identify with most in the concept of Transcendentalism. I do love nature, and I do love the idea of peace here on earth, but I know that the real peace, the kind that will last forever—that “utopia” is still yet to come.

And I am looking forward to it.