Well, whatever that huge rush of students was two days ago, it’s over now. I haven’t had a student all day. However, I have not been alone. One of my good friends came in to see me today, for which I am very grateful, and I had wonderful Facebook conversations with my two best friends. Even though it is a day early, I would like to wish my dear friend Tess, a very happy Canada Day! I was informed that it is pretty much the same thing as America’s Independence Day, only 3 days earlier. I plan on giving Tess a call tonight, because well…it’s been a long time since we’ve had a good chat, and I thank God that my long distance coverage is kind to my international calls!
I’ve been missing some of my friends from Brigadoon. Thankfully, we’ve kept in pretty good touch over the past few days. Two nights ago, I had a dream about one of the guys in the play. The dream was fuzzy, but I remember that he was living in New Jersey, and I had gone to visit him. All throughout the dream, I had the vague impression that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. Yesterday, I wrote to him to tell him about it. He was very upset, and gave me a call. He told me that he was in New Jersey at the time. After we talked, I started to think about my dream again. It’s a little uncanny. I feel as if my dream predicted what happened to my friend, almost as if to tell me that he needed me. Who knows.
On another note, I have started a new book! Well, it’s not new by any means, but it’s new to me! It is Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray. It’s a little slow in the beginning, like many Victorian novels. However, I have been told that it is completely worth finishing (also like most Victorian novels). I loved Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, and was even lucky enough to play the role of Gwendolen in a local production of the play a year ago, so I’m hoping to like Wilde’s novel just as much. I’ll let you know how it goes.
So, today’s been a good day. I don’t really have anything terribly interesting or well-written to add, so I suppose I’ll sign off for now. Have a good night!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Great Paper-Zillah and A Good Guy Flick!
So…yesterday was the first day that I’ve really had to actually work, while I’m at work. I had a student waiting for me when I arrived. As soon as I was finished helping him, another student came in. It was good to be busy. I felt sorry (and frustrated) for this one student who arrived a little bit later. She had never used a computer ever, so I spent most of the time showing her how to just turn on the computer, put in her thumb drive, and use the word processor. It’s hard to believe that there are people who don’t know how to use certain technology, while I feel it is as natural as breathing. Even though I felt bad for her and wanted to help, I must admit, my fuse was getting short.
Later in the afternoon I received a couple of papers by email. These are a little harder to work with, because I really can’t fix anything on them. I’m only allowed to point out big, reoccurring errors, like run-on’s and fragments. The first paper took me just under an hour to review. It wasn’t a bad paper, but I found the job to be somewhat strenuous. That was nothing. The second paper was like Paper-Zillah! I wanted so badly to just go through and rewrite the entire thing, but alas! That goes completely against my job, and my morals. I did the best I could with it, but it took me over an hour, and I was getting really discouraged by the end. I felt so bad sending that paper back with a million and one comments written all over it, but it was the best I could do. I have a new respect for English teachers who actually have to grade that stuff. I also have a renewed disappointment in school systems that send their graduates to college with less than a basic knowledge of the English language.
Alright, that’s my rant for today. I’m at work again, and there isn’t a student in sight, not for English, and not even for math. I took advantage of the time to do a little writing. Even though this is completely off topic, I’ve got this strange desire to do a “guy date” and just grab a friend and go see as many loud, blow-up-everything, superhero movies as I possibly can before they’re out of theatres. I sort of miss doing that with the guys I used to date, or hang out with. It’s a lot of fun, and I’ve discovered that I like those movies just as much as I do my favorite chick flicks. So…popcorn anyone?
Later in the afternoon I received a couple of papers by email. These are a little harder to work with, because I really can’t fix anything on them. I’m only allowed to point out big, reoccurring errors, like run-on’s and fragments. The first paper took me just under an hour to review. It wasn’t a bad paper, but I found the job to be somewhat strenuous. That was nothing. The second paper was like Paper-Zillah! I wanted so badly to just go through and rewrite the entire thing, but alas! That goes completely against my job, and my morals. I did the best I could with it, but it took me over an hour, and I was getting really discouraged by the end. I felt so bad sending that paper back with a million and one comments written all over it, but it was the best I could do. I have a new respect for English teachers who actually have to grade that stuff. I also have a renewed disappointment in school systems that send their graduates to college with less than a basic knowledge of the English language.
Alright, that’s my rant for today. I’m at work again, and there isn’t a student in sight, not for English, and not even for math. I took advantage of the time to do a little writing. Even though this is completely off topic, I’ve got this strange desire to do a “guy date” and just grab a friend and go see as many loud, blow-up-everything, superhero movies as I possibly can before they’re out of theatres. I sort of miss doing that with the guys I used to date, or hang out with. It’s a lot of fun, and I’ve discovered that I like those movies just as much as I do my favorite chick flicks. So…popcorn anyone?
Monday, June 27, 2011
Vanished into the Mists....Like Brigadoon....
My show, Brigadoon, is over. It has vanished into the annoying mists that caused the entire cast to choke and sputter backstage. It was a wonderful final performance. I got to play the part of Maggie and dance the final ballets. Ballet has become a part of my life again, and I’m reluctant to let it go. I finally feel like a real dancer, unlike I have ever felt before in my life. I owe that sense of accomplishment to the choreographer, director, and fellow dancers who all supported my endeavors to get back on my toes. I am proud of what I have done, and I will treasure that experience always.
I have met many wonderful people through this show, and have been reunited with others that I haven’t worked with in a year, or years. One of the best parts about theatre is that it is a family. I’ve discovered that theatre is a place for misfits. Ah yes, sad, but true. We are all very quirky people who have found that even though we have our own lives outside of the stage, we work best together, and that we relate to one another. We just fit. Even people who I felt were so different from me at the begging of the show, and I thought would never be close to me, have become just that. Theatre teaches one to look past a person’s looks and all outward personas, and to just focus on the individual at his or her very core. That’s what I love about it. I am so different from so many of them, just as they are so different from me and each other, yet, we accept that, we accept the quirks, and realize that those differences are what make us FIT.
I love my theatre family, and last night, I was reunited with some friends who I haven’t seen or worked with since I first started theatre many years ago. I looked around me at one point in the evening, and saw that I was surrounded by several members of the very first cast that I ever worked with. All at once, I was back in “Ah, Wilderness” and was 17 again, experiencing love and theatre for the first time. They say that your first time for anything is something that you can never recapture. That might be true, but sometimes, you can get awfully darn close.
Together, we relived memories, shared stories, encouraged each other, caught up on current events in our lives, gave gifts, hugged, sang show tunes, and took dozens of pictures. It’s always hard to leave these people, but I’ve got an autograph book full of messages, a camera full of photos, a mind full of memories, and a heart full of love for the actors.
I have met many wonderful people through this show, and have been reunited with others that I haven’t worked with in a year, or years. One of the best parts about theatre is that it is a family. I’ve discovered that theatre is a place for misfits. Ah yes, sad, but true. We are all very quirky people who have found that even though we have our own lives outside of the stage, we work best together, and that we relate to one another. We just fit. Even people who I felt were so different from me at the begging of the show, and I thought would never be close to me, have become just that. Theatre teaches one to look past a person’s looks and all outward personas, and to just focus on the individual at his or her very core. That’s what I love about it. I am so different from so many of them, just as they are so different from me and each other, yet, we accept that, we accept the quirks, and realize that those differences are what make us FIT.
I love my theatre family, and last night, I was reunited with some friends who I haven’t seen or worked with since I first started theatre many years ago. I looked around me at one point in the evening, and saw that I was surrounded by several members of the very first cast that I ever worked with. All at once, I was back in “Ah, Wilderness” and was 17 again, experiencing love and theatre for the first time. They say that your first time for anything is something that you can never recapture. That might be true, but sometimes, you can get awfully darn close.
Together, we relived memories, shared stories, encouraged each other, caught up on current events in our lives, gave gifts, hugged, sang show tunes, and took dozens of pictures. It’s always hard to leave these people, but I’ve got an autograph book full of messages, a camera full of photos, a mind full of memories, and a heart full of love for the actors.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
But the Greatest of These is Love
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails…….13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthans 4-13
So, love conqures all, huh? I sure hope so, because sometimes, that’s all we’ve got. I’m not going to get all philosophical on you, but I’ve been going through some rough stuff very recently, and even though my faith and trust have been challenged, I’ve realized that regardless of what happens, love remains.
Sometimes we all need reminders of what is really important in life. I’ve had constant reminders over the past few days, and have been carrying one around with me, in my pocket. It is a little green, sea glass stone with the word, “Faith” etched inside of it. As I walk, I can feel the weight of it in my pocket, and I smile as I think of the friend who gave it to me as a graduation present, but also for what it stands for.
I appreciate all of the wonderful people who have taken their time to talk to me over the past few days. I truly am a blessed person to have so many wonderful friends and family members. So thank you. I shall try to make this my last depressing blog for awhile. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining to the cloud, the icing on the cake, the cream in the cookie, and all of those other clichés!
I hope that you are reading this today, and I know that if you are, you will know what I mean. Even though we might not hear from each other for awhile, I’m still here, and I’ve placed all of this in God’ s hands. This too shall pass. Keep the faith. I love you.
So, love conqures all, huh? I sure hope so, because sometimes, that’s all we’ve got. I’m not going to get all philosophical on you, but I’ve been going through some rough stuff very recently, and even though my faith and trust have been challenged, I’ve realized that regardless of what happens, love remains.
Sometimes we all need reminders of what is really important in life. I’ve had constant reminders over the past few days, and have been carrying one around with me, in my pocket. It is a little green, sea glass stone with the word, “Faith” etched inside of it. As I walk, I can feel the weight of it in my pocket, and I smile as I think of the friend who gave it to me as a graduation present, but also for what it stands for.
I appreciate all of the wonderful people who have taken their time to talk to me over the past few days. I truly am a blessed person to have so many wonderful friends and family members. So thank you. I shall try to make this my last depressing blog for awhile. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining to the cloud, the icing on the cake, the cream in the cookie, and all of those other clichés!
I hope that you are reading this today, and I know that if you are, you will know what I mean. Even though we might not hear from each other for awhile, I’m still here, and I’ve placed all of this in God’ s hands. This too shall pass. Keep the faith. I love you.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I'm Nobody's Princess
Quid est amor sine fiduciam?
What is love without trust? Is it possible? Does it exist? Whenever I think about the themes of love and trust, I always think about my favorite movie, Everafter. In the movie, the heroine, Danielle, is a peasant girl who dresses up like a courtier to save her family’s servant who has been sold into slavery. While she is dressed as such, the prince of France sees her, hears her plea to free the servant, and falls in love with her…typical chick flick. Girls, you know we love this stuff. Prince Henry thinks he has found his match, and Danielle keeps up the charade by taking on her mother’s name, Nicole, and continues to play the part of a courtier. She has the prince fooled, and wants to tell him the truth, but is afraid. Her evil step mother (yes, this is a Cinderella story) discovers her deception and exposes her lie to the entire royal court, including the heartbroken prince who disowns her on the spot. After she runs away (leaving, of course, the glass slipper), the prince is confronted by a wise old man, who just happens to be Leonardo Da Vinci. Da Vinci tells him to go after her because she is his “match.” The prince looks up at the old man and says, “And love without trust, what of that?” He cannot trust her. She has deceived him. All of the millions of times that I’ve watched that movie, I felt sorry for Danielle for being rejected like that, but this time around, now that I know what it feels like to be lied to by someone you love and trust so dearly, I feel for Prince Henry. It’s a horrible thing to have believed in someone so deeply, placed all of your faith in that person, and then find out that he or she has been lying to you all along, masking a deception. It is the stuff broken hearts are made of.
So, once you’ve discovered the lie, how do you deal with it? Can you forgive and go on loving? Or, do you take this as a warning and protect yourself from future heartache? I don’t really know, to be honest. The good news is, I’ve stopped crying, and I’ve got a great support system made up of my mother, who would kill for me, a friend who sits up with me until 2 in the morning, and a best girlfriend who brings me ice cream to pig out on until I feel better.
But wait a minute! You might be thinking, “But how does the movie end? Does the Prince accept her?” Of course, being the Cinderella story that it is, he does. But unfortunately, life isn’t a fairytale, and I’m nobody’s princess.
What is love without trust? Is it possible? Does it exist? Whenever I think about the themes of love and trust, I always think about my favorite movie, Everafter. In the movie, the heroine, Danielle, is a peasant girl who dresses up like a courtier to save her family’s servant who has been sold into slavery. While she is dressed as such, the prince of France sees her, hears her plea to free the servant, and falls in love with her…typical chick flick. Girls, you know we love this stuff. Prince Henry thinks he has found his match, and Danielle keeps up the charade by taking on her mother’s name, Nicole, and continues to play the part of a courtier. She has the prince fooled, and wants to tell him the truth, but is afraid. Her evil step mother (yes, this is a Cinderella story) discovers her deception and exposes her lie to the entire royal court, including the heartbroken prince who disowns her on the spot. After she runs away (leaving, of course, the glass slipper), the prince is confronted by a wise old man, who just happens to be Leonardo Da Vinci. Da Vinci tells him to go after her because she is his “match.” The prince looks up at the old man and says, “And love without trust, what of that?” He cannot trust her. She has deceived him. All of the millions of times that I’ve watched that movie, I felt sorry for Danielle for being rejected like that, but this time around, now that I know what it feels like to be lied to by someone you love and trust so dearly, I feel for Prince Henry. It’s a horrible thing to have believed in someone so deeply, placed all of your faith in that person, and then find out that he or she has been lying to you all along, masking a deception. It is the stuff broken hearts are made of.
So, once you’ve discovered the lie, how do you deal with it? Can you forgive and go on loving? Or, do you take this as a warning and protect yourself from future heartache? I don’t really know, to be honest. The good news is, I’ve stopped crying, and I’ve got a great support system made up of my mother, who would kill for me, a friend who sits up with me until 2 in the morning, and a best girlfriend who brings me ice cream to pig out on until I feel better.
But wait a minute! You might be thinking, “But how does the movie end? Does the Prince accept her?” Of course, being the Cinderella story that it is, he does. But unfortunately, life isn’t a fairytale, and I’m nobody’s princess.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thoughts on a Rainy Monday
Have you ever been to that place in your life where you just don’t fit anymore? Over time, you change, your personality changes, your goals, priorities, interests, thoughts, and feelings change. Suddenly you discover that a place where you once used to fit so nicely is not as comfortable as it used to be. It sticks out at you in funny angles and prods at you until you know that it is time to find a new niche.
I have been feeling this way lately. It is time for me to move on in my life. I need to get out, get away, and do things for myself. The problem is that I don’t really know how. I don’t mean to upset people in my life. I really do love them, and appreciate everything that each one of them does for me, but I don’t know how to show them. I feel that anything I can do won’t be enough.
Something big needs to happen. I need a change; a big change. I need a chance to prove to myself that I really can be my own person, and that I can take care of myself. Maybe if this happens, I will cease to be a burden, and I will cause less heartache to those closest to me. God knows that I never wanted to be that way to them.
I do not mean to be a Debbie-Downer on the blog today, but it’s a Monday, and it’s raining outside…and so far today, I’ve only had one English student. I suppose that I’ll go back to reading “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I’m nearly finished, but I find that the book is slower during the courtroom scenes. I personally prefer the beginning and middle of the book when Scout and Jem are just being children, and I as the reader get to watch them grow up. Their childhoods remind me of my own. I had a fabulous childhood, and am luck to still have a great home life. I just find that over time, things change, and no matter how much you might hate it, sometimes you have to change with them.
I have been feeling this way lately. It is time for me to move on in my life. I need to get out, get away, and do things for myself. The problem is that I don’t really know how. I don’t mean to upset people in my life. I really do love them, and appreciate everything that each one of them does for me, but I don’t know how to show them. I feel that anything I can do won’t be enough.
Something big needs to happen. I need a change; a big change. I need a chance to prove to myself that I really can be my own person, and that I can take care of myself. Maybe if this happens, I will cease to be a burden, and I will cause less heartache to those closest to me. God knows that I never wanted to be that way to them.
I do not mean to be a Debbie-Downer on the blog today, but it’s a Monday, and it’s raining outside…and so far today, I’ve only had one English student. I suppose that I’ll go back to reading “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I’m nearly finished, but I find that the book is slower during the courtroom scenes. I personally prefer the beginning and middle of the book when Scout and Jem are just being children, and I as the reader get to watch them grow up. Their childhoods remind me of my own. I had a fabulous childhood, and am luck to still have a great home life. I just find that over time, things change, and no matter how much you might hate it, sometimes you have to change with them.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
To Everyone Who Came to See Brigadoon Last Night! THANK YOU!!!
Last night was without a doubt the best show of Brigadoon that we have had yet! For the first time, I felt confident about my ballet numbers, and they went off without a hitch. The best part was that several of my best friends were there. It means so much to me when friends come to see the show. My one friend, who I wrote about yesterday, drove two and a half hours to come visit us and see the show. He’s a great guy, and a perfect gentleman. When he saw that I would have a long walk in the dark to get back to my car, he insisted on walking back with me. Not a lot of guys would do that nowadays. Even though I know I’m perfectly safe walking to my car, it’s nice to know someone’s looking out for me.
Earlier in the evening, I had been outside the theatre, standing in utter darkness during the intermission, trying to send a text message (because there is no cell phone service in the theatre), and I saw someone walk by the alleyway. He looked incredibly like a boy that I’ve done several shows with. He had the right profile, the right walk and carriage. I knew it had to be him. He passed by three times before I got up the courage to call to him. Of course, I couldn’t go over there to him. I was in a full-length gown, wearing enough makeup to be mistaken as a “lady of the evening.” He came over, and we talked during intermission. He’s the type of person that I always hate to let go. We’ve become close, and I really value him. It meant a lot to me that he came out to see me and his other theatre friends a second time. I mean…tickets aren’t cheap.
With everyone who was there last night, it was delightful to see so many other familiar faces in the crowd. After the show, I looked around at everyone who was grouped outside the theatre, and I have done a show with nearly every one of them sometime in the past. Theatre is like a family, and often, a show becomes like a great big family reunion, or rather, several reunions.
Of course in every family, there are little dysfunctions… I saw that the guy who had played opposite me last summer had come. As he was standing in a circle, talking to some of the actors, I came over and said hello. He barely glanced at me, said “hi” and turned away. I bet his shoulder is still icy from that one. I don’t know what was wrong, we hadn’t had a fight. I suppose that it might have been because his girlfriend was standing right there with him… Sometimes relationships change people.
All in all, it was a great night. Now I’m ready to head to work, drive way too fast trying to get to the theatre in time, and do it all again tonight. Wish me a broken leg!
Friday, June 17, 2011
A blown fuse, Nancy Drew, great friends, and a kid on the roof...
Well my day has been off to an interesting start. It’s my day off, and I’m at home with my two younger siblings. My brother is crawling around on the roof, sounding like a very large squirrel, or a hurricane wind, and my little sister just blew a fuse. She didn’t know that it is a bad idea to run the air conditioning, the microwave, the toaster, not to mention the various other small appliances in the kitchen at the same time. I called my dad, and he walked me though how to get the fuse working again. At first, I was having a blond moment and didn’t notice the ancient, hand written, smeared and blurred list of labels for each fuse on the back of the fuse box door until after I was already frustrated that the individual fuses were not all labeled. Once I saw the list, it was easy to locate the trouble fuse. For a moment, I felt like Nancy Drew defusing a bomb…except there was no bomb, and I am not an eighteen-year-old detective with a cool car and a hot boyfriend.
Hopefully this day will get better. It looks a little dark and cloudy outside, as if it might rain at any second, but that’s okay. I’ve got big plans for today! After lunch, I’m going over my best friend’s house and we are going to hang out with a good friend of ours who is visiting, even though he has to drive several hours to see us. After dinner at their house, the whole group is going to come see my show tonight at the theatre. I must say, I’m extremely excited for them all to see the show. Since I am sharing my role with another girl, I am glad that my friend will get to see me playing my more important role tonight. I don’t say a word, and I have no solo songs, but I perform in several ballets, so I still feel that my role is vital to the show.
I am also very flattered that my friend is driving so far to come and watch my show. I have several family members who live near him, and they have never braved the long drive to even so much as come and visit us, let alone come see one of my shows. I mean, I understand. It’s a long trip…but I can’t help but think some times that that verse in the Bible hit the nail right on the head when it said something about a friend sticking closer than a brother. I’ve got a great family, but I must say, I’ve also got some pretty amazing friend who continue to surprise me with their loyalty and commitment. So, thanks guys. Enjoy the show!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Count that day lost...
Today is the last day of the work week for me, but is also the day I’ve been dreading. I’m currently in the play, Brigadoon at a local theatre, and tonight we are putting on a benefit performance. I order to actually be on stage in time, I’m going to have to do my hair and makeup before I leave work, which means I will leave work looking like a cross between a drag queen and a geisha. Once I get to the theatre, I will have just enough time to throw on my tights, shoes, and costume, and run onto the stage. I’m a little nervous about that because I’m the type of actress who likes to rehearse before every performance. If I don’t, I do not feel ready.
Even so, I kind of like the feeling of living a “fast-paced” life, so to speak. Ever since I was in my first show in 2007, I haven’t stopped acting, and always do three shows a year. I love it. I also love the fact that it keeps me busy. I don’t like being idle for too long. I sometimes even have trouble slowing down long enough to get the rest that my body needs. I guess that my desire to fill my days up with as much work and productivity as I can stems back to when I was a child. I had an autograph book that I was trying to fill. When I asked my great grandmother to write something, this is what she wrote, “Count that day lost when the low descending sun views from thy hand no worthy action done.” That struck such a chord with me, and I realized how important each day is, and how each one is a gift that shouldn’t be “lost.”
When I was a little older, I started to have some heart problems. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but I continually had violent heart palpitations. To discover the reason behind the palpitations, the doctors had me wear a heart monitor for the entire month of June. I was scared. I didn’t know if I was going to lose my life in one of the attacks, and no one could give me a straight answer as to what was wrong. I was frightened enough that I began to realized how temporary life really is. In just a moment, it can be snuffed out. I started living my life the way my great grandmother had taught me.
In retrospect, I really had no reason to be worried. My heart is strong, and I only had a small allergy to caffeine, which was easily remedied by abstaining from chocolate and other caffeinated edibles (trust me, it got easier as I went along). Even so, I felt like I learned an important principle: every day is a new opportunity to do something worthwhile. I guess my great grandmother ought to know…she’s had over ninety years’ worth of days filled with her goodness…and she’s still going strong.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Catching Fireflies with The Old Man and the Sea
Ah, day three of tutoring, and in all three days, I’ve only had one student. My coworker, who tutors math, has had more students than I’ve been able to count. This is to be expected. When you take a math class, you are immersed right in the class, but when you take an English class; you might not have a writing assignment or a paper for weeks. I’m not complaining, the hum of voices in the center makes things feel more normal, and the lack of English students allows me to catch up on my reading.
Today’s novel is The Old Man and the Sea by Earnest Hemingway. Ah, Earnest! One of the easiest writers to understand, yet even in his simplicity, his writing is multifaceted. If you’ve never read The Old Man and the Sea, it’s about, well….an old man, and his life as a fisherman…at the sea. I haven’t quite finished it, but so far, he has hooked a large fish and is being dragged along in his boat, hoping that the fish will tire out and give up so that he can reel it in. The fish has great stamina and continues to swim all through the day and into the night, taking the nameless old man with him for a ride. Even though the old man has no control of his destination on the ride, he remains calm, and always has a plan for each little obstacle that occurs.
He also manages to keep himself busy. Even out in the open sea, the old man (or rather, Hemingway) observes, ponders, and discusses to himself all of the life that he sees around him. He wonders why the dolphins appear to be purple-spotted when they really are golden, and he talks to the birds when they land on his skiff. The man is elderly, penniless, and has not caught a fish in over eighty days. The boy who had become like a son to him has been forced to work for a new fishing boat, and his small hut is sparingly adorned with reminders of his deceased wife. He has next to nothing, yet, his is happy. Out of everything I have observed in the novel so far, contentment in one’s situation stands out the most.
This theme seems to be occurring and reappearing in my life as of late. It is so important to take every day captive and find the little, pleasant things in it, even if it is as simple as observing the colors of a dolphin under water. For me, it has been the visit from a friend, a kind work spoken by a coworker, the knowledge that there is always someone out there who loves me, the single, beautiful pearl strung on my necklace, and the privilege to be doing something that I love.
With this in mind, I went for a walk last night. It was chilly for a June evening, and I was glad for the sweater around my shoulders. The sun was setting, and in the dim twilight I could feel the magic of the evening slipping out among the shadows. By the woods, I stopped, and reached out my hand for a firefly dancing amid the trees. Sometimes the fireflies are hard to spot, because without their lights, they blend into the dimness of the evening, and become one with the shadows. But then! They ignite their individual lights, and for a small window of time, I swiftly reach out my hand and grab the small creature. It remained in my palm for a moment, crawling over my fingers, and flashing its little light one more time before using my finger tip as a take-off pad. A car went by, and I realized that even though the people within the car were getting faster to their destination than I was to mine, they could not see the fireflies like I could. They would not get to witness the magic of the twilight, or capture that one small moment of the day.
Today’s novel is The Old Man and the Sea by Earnest Hemingway. Ah, Earnest! One of the easiest writers to understand, yet even in his simplicity, his writing is multifaceted. If you’ve never read The Old Man and the Sea, it’s about, well….an old man, and his life as a fisherman…at the sea. I haven’t quite finished it, but so far, he has hooked a large fish and is being dragged along in his boat, hoping that the fish will tire out and give up so that he can reel it in. The fish has great stamina and continues to swim all through the day and into the night, taking the nameless old man with him for a ride. Even though the old man has no control of his destination on the ride, he remains calm, and always has a plan for each little obstacle that occurs.
He also manages to keep himself busy. Even out in the open sea, the old man (or rather, Hemingway) observes, ponders, and discusses to himself all of the life that he sees around him. He wonders why the dolphins appear to be purple-spotted when they really are golden, and he talks to the birds when they land on his skiff. The man is elderly, penniless, and has not caught a fish in over eighty days. The boy who had become like a son to him has been forced to work for a new fishing boat, and his small hut is sparingly adorned with reminders of his deceased wife. He has next to nothing, yet, his is happy. Out of everything I have observed in the novel so far, contentment in one’s situation stands out the most.
This theme seems to be occurring and reappearing in my life as of late. It is so important to take every day captive and find the little, pleasant things in it, even if it is as simple as observing the colors of a dolphin under water. For me, it has been the visit from a friend, a kind work spoken by a coworker, the knowledge that there is always someone out there who loves me, the single, beautiful pearl strung on my necklace, and the privilege to be doing something that I love.
With this in mind, I went for a walk last night. It was chilly for a June evening, and I was glad for the sweater around my shoulders. The sun was setting, and in the dim twilight I could feel the magic of the evening slipping out among the shadows. By the woods, I stopped, and reached out my hand for a firefly dancing amid the trees. Sometimes the fireflies are hard to spot, because without their lights, they blend into the dimness of the evening, and become one with the shadows. But then! They ignite their individual lights, and for a small window of time, I swiftly reach out my hand and grab the small creature. It remained in my palm for a moment, crawling over my fingers, and flashing its little light one more time before using my finger tip as a take-off pad. A car went by, and I realized that even though the people within the car were getting faster to their destination than I was to mine, they could not see the fireflies like I could. They would not get to witness the magic of the twilight, or capture that one small moment of the day.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
While I'm Waiting...
I’ve been an English tutor for about three years now at the local college. It is the perfect job for me. I love tutoring, and feel so blessed to have been offered this position while I was a college student. Because of tutoring, I know that I want to be a teacher someday after I finish the necessary education. Even though I’ve been tutoring for so long, yesterday was actually my first day as a full time tutor for the summer semester. I thought it would be pretty much the same as tutoring during the normal spring and fall semesters, but much to my surprise, things have been quite different.
For one thing, my boss is no longer here. She is retired now, and I feel like the college has lost one of their greatest assets. A more kind, generous, godly, and helpful woman never walked the face of the earth. Her office is all cleaned out and empty now. I was told that I could use her office this summer to check online papers, but I think I will use a different computer instead. I would feel too much like a trespasser.
I called her the other day and I asked her some questions that I had about the job. She told me that I could always as the woman who was temporary taking her place, because, as she reminded me, she was no longer my boss. That’s a hard concept for me to grasp. She’s the best boss that an employee could ask for. No matter who ends up taking her place next semester, no one can be as wonderful as my previous boss.
Another change is that it is so empty and quiet! I am the only English tutor this summer, and my fellow coworker is the only math tutor. It’s just us, he and I. In the two days that we’ve been here, only one student, an English student, has come in for help. I am assured by the librarians that there will soon be plenty of students to tutor, so I have no doubt that very shortly, my days will be filled with subject/verb agreement, comma placement, and third person verses first person narrative.
Until then, the librarians seem to be ruling the roost. We are very lucky to have extremely qualified, helpful, and caring librarians who will go out of their way to help a student find a suitable book or source, but as of these two days, they’ve been checking in on my fellow tutor and I, frowning on us when we go to lunch together, and making off-handed comments about how we are running the center. Of course, the lunch thing makes sense. I don’t think we will be taking the same lunch hour any more, but for today, and yesterday, when the library is empty, I don’t think it’s going hurt. In the past, the librarians ruled the library, not the support center. I suppose that they are just trying to help out now that the boss is no longer here.
Another change is that my favorite teacher came to visit me today for a few minutes to ask me how the job is going. In all of the past semesters, I have always gone to pay him visits in his office between classes and work hours. This is the first time he’s ever just come over to pay me a visit. I am always so excited to see him. He’s not only my teacher, but he’s also my friend and greatest mentor. I told him once that he’s changed my life, and he asked me to tell him someday how he did that…and someday I will, but I don’t know where I would start. He’s stood up for me and stood behind me, when no one else would, he believes in me more than I believe in myself, and he is always ready to lend a hand when I need help. Even when I was at a different college and I was having an issue that caused me to panic, he was able to talk me down like no one else could, and helped me to find a sensible way out of the situation. Even his wife has been a reliable and helpful friend to me, lending an ear to all of the drama in my life, and being there for me in pretty much the same way as her husband has for so many years now. I don’t know what I would do without them, and I honestly wish that I could just sit down and write out every single thing that they have done for me, but that would take more time than even I have right now as I sit here in the lonely library, wondering if students will ever come.
With this being said, it’s been a pretty decent day. I even got a visit from my two best friends! We had a little girl chat, gossiped, shared a package of Starburst, and took a group trip to the bathroom. Even in the mundane regularity of life, every day seems to hold some new surprise, and I’m looking forward to tomorrow….and to the paycheck…
For one thing, my boss is no longer here. She is retired now, and I feel like the college has lost one of their greatest assets. A more kind, generous, godly, and helpful woman never walked the face of the earth. Her office is all cleaned out and empty now. I was told that I could use her office this summer to check online papers, but I think I will use a different computer instead. I would feel too much like a trespasser.
I called her the other day and I asked her some questions that I had about the job. She told me that I could always as the woman who was temporary taking her place, because, as she reminded me, she was no longer my boss. That’s a hard concept for me to grasp. She’s the best boss that an employee could ask for. No matter who ends up taking her place next semester, no one can be as wonderful as my previous boss.
Another change is that it is so empty and quiet! I am the only English tutor this summer, and my fellow coworker is the only math tutor. It’s just us, he and I. In the two days that we’ve been here, only one student, an English student, has come in for help. I am assured by the librarians that there will soon be plenty of students to tutor, so I have no doubt that very shortly, my days will be filled with subject/verb agreement, comma placement, and third person verses first person narrative.
Until then, the librarians seem to be ruling the roost. We are very lucky to have extremely qualified, helpful, and caring librarians who will go out of their way to help a student find a suitable book or source, but as of these two days, they’ve been checking in on my fellow tutor and I, frowning on us when we go to lunch together, and making off-handed comments about how we are running the center. Of course, the lunch thing makes sense. I don’t think we will be taking the same lunch hour any more, but for today, and yesterday, when the library is empty, I don’t think it’s going hurt. In the past, the librarians ruled the library, not the support center. I suppose that they are just trying to help out now that the boss is no longer here.
Another change is that my favorite teacher came to visit me today for a few minutes to ask me how the job is going. In all of the past semesters, I have always gone to pay him visits in his office between classes and work hours. This is the first time he’s ever just come over to pay me a visit. I am always so excited to see him. He’s not only my teacher, but he’s also my friend and greatest mentor. I told him once that he’s changed my life, and he asked me to tell him someday how he did that…and someday I will, but I don’t know where I would start. He’s stood up for me and stood behind me, when no one else would, he believes in me more than I believe in myself, and he is always ready to lend a hand when I need help. Even when I was at a different college and I was having an issue that caused me to panic, he was able to talk me down like no one else could, and helped me to find a sensible way out of the situation. Even his wife has been a reliable and helpful friend to me, lending an ear to all of the drama in my life, and being there for me in pretty much the same way as her husband has for so many years now. I don’t know what I would do without them, and I honestly wish that I could just sit down and write out every single thing that they have done for me, but that would take more time than even I have right now as I sit here in the lonely library, wondering if students will ever come.
With this being said, it’s been a pretty decent day. I even got a visit from my two best friends! We had a little girl chat, gossiped, shared a package of Starburst, and took a group trip to the bathroom. Even in the mundane regularity of life, every day seems to hold some new surprise, and I’m looking forward to tomorrow….and to the paycheck…
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