When did people stop asking to put
you down as a reference? Growing up, my parents taught me the importance of a strong
resume and references, but what they really emphasized was the importance of asking someone first. I grew up being
taught that a reference is someone who has agreed
to support you, to give a good report of you, your work ethic, your moral
fiber, etc.
But this seems to have died.
This month alone, 4 people have put
me down as a reference without asking me first. I am more than happy to brag
like crazy about each and every one of them when the phone call comes. And
they know that, so I guess I make a good reference. But, I hate getting that
text message:
Friend: “Hey. What’s your address/email address?”
Me: “It is: __________________. Why?”
Friend: “ I’m using you as a reference.”
My face:
I want to know before I get that
call, especially if it’s for a person I haven’t actually talked to in a long
time. I don’t want to pick up and the conversation to go like this:
Caller: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf
of Mr. _______, regarding his application. He listed you as a close friend.”
Me: “Who? Oh, yes. Ehem. Mr. _______... I didn’t know. I
haven’t talked to him in a while…”
Me stumbling through my answer and being clueless doesn’t
make you look very good…
I guess I mostly find it rude due
to an experience several years back. Someone I know had listed me as a
reference, but didn’t tell me. I was then barraged with a battery of phone
calls from a government worker (it was for a government job). Not only could
the person on the phone barely speak a clear sentence, but the questions were
never-ending. I was more than happy to help the guy out, but a little warning
that this was coming would have been nice.
So, moral of the story here is
this: let’s go back to the lovely old-fashioned way of asking permission before
putting someone down as a reference. I promise, if you do that first, I’ll gush
about you…and I won’t tell them embarrassing stories about silly things you’ve
done.
