It's 2017. How Does Sexism Still Exist?

How does sexism still exist? When as a woman, will I feel like I am completely of value to people?

A few months ago, before Brentton and I married, we were trying to find someone to give us pre-marital counseling (usually required by the person who officiates) and to marry us. We went to this one guy, and I just left with a sick feeling in my stomach. The man had not only pitted Brentton and I against each other with his questions, but he paid me almost zero attention the whole time. And once we told him we don’t have any plans for children right now, he shut down towards me completely, as if I was solely to be blamed for that decision.

Brentton and I walked out fighting, and we both realized that this man had done more harm than good. I don’t think a counselor is supposed to START fights. I know sometimes that information they dig up and be the source of some contention, but the way he did it was downright malicious.

Then, there was last night. We went to a financial planner who had been recommended to us. All week I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I thought about it. This, in the past, has ALWAYS meant, “GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!” yet, I don’t think I’ve ever listened to it once. Lol I felt like it would be good to get the opinion of a professional, on our finances as we are starting out.

Well. This woman had no interest in me. At all. She shook hands with me when we walked in, and then turned to Brentton and said, in a long, drawing voice, “Hellllloooooooo!”

I’m a girl. I know flirting when I see it.

Anyway, we sat down with her for two hours and talked about jobs and money and 401Ks. And I mean, sometimes she looked in my direction and asked me what she had to, but for the most part, she just talked to Brentton. When she asked him about his job, she asked him dozens of questions. So many, that I thought we would never move on. When she got to me, she asked where I worked…and then it was back to Brentton. That was it.

She even asked us questions that I felt would be better directed towards a single person, than a married couple. She kept asking questions that not only pitted us against each other, but that made it sound like our financial life together was a contest. The questions were things like, “Which of you is better at saving.” I mean, no matter what, someone comes out as the “winner” here. In our relationship we are VERY similar in how we deal with money, it’s one of the best things about our partnership. Yet, here we were, feeling like we were in a contest against each other.

By the end of the night, I was so angry. I had been slighted before by men, and treaded like I was a second-rate human. I’ve even been treated as the little home-maker, housewife before…but I have never been so treated by another woman. How can a woman treat another woman so badly? Has feminism taught her nothing? Does she honestly believe men are superior to women, with her, being a woman herself?

Sure, she could just be an absolute (fill-in-the-blank), and was openly flirting with my husband right in front of me, but I got the definite feeling that there was more to it than that. She didn’t think my contribution to the family was worth it. She didn’t care about my benefits or my income, or how this would affect me. She just cared about the man sitting there. As the woman, I was an afterthought.

P.S. If all you took from this was that we don’t want children, then YOU are part of the problem.