The Good Kind of Lost

I don’t know what I’m searching for in life. Sometimes I feel as if I’m walking in the right direction, yet other times, I feel so far. I’ve got a great life, don’t get me wrong. I recently moved into my own place. I actually pay rent and have my own room now! So, things are good. I’m exploring a new city and get lost all the time. Even so, it’s never a scary sort of lost. It’s always a “hey! I now I know where the Target is!” kind of lost. It’s the good kind of lost.

I guess that my life is sort of in the same kind of mode right now. I’m lost, but it’s a good kind of lost- a self-discovery kind of lost. I don’t really know who I am at the moment. Some days I identify with the old, innocent self, yet those times are getting more few and far between. I don’t think that I am that girl anymore. Part of me wants to be. I mean, I feel like I should be that good little girl again who does what is right, what she is told to do. She always tried to do the right thing, and she didn’t mess around in dangerous areas. But, I know that that girl is gone, and will never come back. It’s okay. I sort of mourn her loss, but there are things about the new girl that I like too. This girl has a tougher shell. She knows how to keep her heart unattached so that she won’t be hurt when the boy stops calling. She knows that when it comes to relationships, often less is more. She knows that she can’t hang on to people, but can only be thankful for the times that they are in her life. She’s even learning how to be on her own, stand on her own two feet. If it wasn’t for her, I would have felt so lonely during my first days in the new house.

Well that’s not entirely true. A lot of it was due to the fact that I have amazing friends and family who kept me company. My mom, great grandmother, and best friend all sent me letters in the mail. One of my girlfriends even came to visit me during my first weekend! In addition, the cast of my last show has been amazing. We’ve had Skype dates, the aforementioned visit, and plenty of text messages. As strange as it seemed to me, an old friend, who I never thought I’d be close to again, messaged me every day to see how I was doing and to keep me company. He really was the one person to keep up with me each and every day. It’s meant more to me than I think he knows. I realized that I never really knew him before. This is how I know that God is good. He does so much for someone such as me, who is the least worthy of all of His children. He provides company for me when I am in a strange place, and he allowed me to reunite with someone who has always lived in a special place in my heart. Even now as I write this, feeling a little lonely, a friend sends a poem that brings warmth to my heart. Nice timing, God. As always.