Everyone's Got Them

Everyone’s got them.

There are days where you just want to curl up and die. Literally. Death just seems like a good idea. This isn't a suicidal cry for help, it’s just the plain truth. Some days it’s hard to just keep breathing. Maybe you pray to be allowed to die. Maybe you think about how cozy the idea of death sounds, how comforting, how quick.

But then, you get a reminder of why you’re still here, still living. I had a few of those reminders yesterday. The depression was especially heavy, and I wasn't getting out of bed. I slept or lay in bed nearly all day. I didn't even really want food. As I was sleeping, my roommate knocked on my door.

I groggily told her to come in. She was carrying a HUGE bouquet of brightly colored flowers.

“Some redheaded guy brought them to the door. He didn't know I wasn't you, so I guess he was just delivering them. Who are they from?” she asked.

I unfolded the card; my eyes still not clear because I had fallen asleep in my contacts. “It’s from my best friend!” I said. Sure enough, she had sent me flowers and a card. And that was when it hit me. There are so many things to live for. Even when you lose one loved one, lose one friend, there are still so many strong relationships, so many people who are still there for you.

Later that evening I was praying for God to send me a sign that he was there, that he was close. I was begging to feel his presence, craving his nearness. I finished praying, and about a minute later, I received a text message from a dear friend. The text said, “God is close.”

I think I got my answer.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m thankful for the people in my life who care, who check on me, who send flowers, bring food (thank you for the Panera soup and the company!!), give a gift, spend time with me when I’m down. Those are things that they don’t have to do, yet they do them anyway.

And I know my situation wasn't that dire, but I think sometimes that those little acts of kindness, those little moments of showing that you care actually are what saves lives, or at least rescue a person from falling deeper into depression.

So, I’m going to remember this, pass it along, and maybe someday, someone will tell me, “Hey, you saved me that one time…I just wanted you to know.”