Falling on Deaf Ears

I’m a listener.

I like to listen. I’m good at listening. So many of my relationships are based upon that fact. I have many people who pour out their day to me, their thoughts, their troubles, etc. I love that. I love being a safe space. Everything they tell me is in confidence and it’ll stay that way. I want to always be that for them, especially for my close friends.

But I feel like listening is a two-way act of mutual respect. And sometimes, the other person needs to talk too. Unfortunately, there aren’t many other listeners out there. Granted, I have amazing friends and family who DO listen. But, many times in general day-to-day life, I end up being run over in conversations. Many times when I try to change the conversation or pour out something that’s important to me, it gets ignored. The person I’m talking to plows through with his or her own thoughts and concerns, and leaves my words in the dust.

I shouldn’t have to be at my rope’s end to feel like someone is listening. I should be able to talk about everyday things. I should be able to explain why the change at my job has affected my life, my thoughts on a good vacation spot, my ideas about an upcoming event.

Today I went to a book discussion and I found myself amazed when the professor leading the discussion made eye contact with me, took in what I said, and then replied. She wasn’t just waiting for me to finish so that she could go on with something she had been waiting to say. She genuinely wanted to know my thoughts and hear what I had to say too. I was surprised by how much this took me by surprise.

Everyone has a deep need for communication. I’ve met so many very outgoing people who complain that their friends don’t reach out enough to them. I understand that, but these are the same people who when are reached out to, only reply in emojis. For anyone who’s a bit old fashioned, like myself, this isn’t enough to make someone want to reach out.

I realized that this rare trait of genuine and complete communication was what made me fall in love with my husband. In my wedding vows to him, I told him that he was the first person I ever met who I thought really listened to me. So many other people may have heard me, but he listened.

Every message I sent to him, he replied back to, touching on every point I made. He’s the best, most unselfish communicator I’ve ever met, and that was what I fell in love with. I just wish that more people understood the give and take of a conversation.