Question Number 1:
When Brentton and I got engaged, the question I heard the
most was, “When are you going to have kids?”
This was a funny question to me, because we had only just
gotten engaged—not married. Most of the questions came from my deeply religious
friends too, who are proponents of only having children after marriage, so I
found it amusing that they asked so early.
Since then, it’s slacked off a bit, but I still get it from
time to time. A couple of mornings ago at a meeting, a coworker asked me if I
had started thinking about kids yet. I tried to briefly answer and then wave
away the question, but she continued with: “You know how that happens, right?”
with a little gleam in her eye. I replied with the answer I’ve been waiting to
use: “Actually, can you explain to me how that happens?”
Luckily for me, she found it hilarious. The others at the
table squirmed a little though.
I don’t really mind the question much anymore, because even
though children aren’t on the radar for my husband and myself, I’m a strong
believer that if God wants something to happen, it’ll happen. I mean, the Bible
is filled with you’re-totally-going-to-have-a-surprise-baby stories.
But what bothers me about the child questions is that most
of the time, it come from well-meaning, almost-strangers. What if my husband
and I are not able to have children? They would have no way of knowing this,
and their questions would be painful. I have friends who have had horrible
trouble conceiving, and not being able to have a child is the most painful
thing in the world to them. Questions like that just rub more salt in the
wound.
The other side of the coin is that having children is a
deeply-personal thing. Now, I know that we live in a very sexually-liberated
time, but I’m still squeamish at being asked about my… *clears throat
awkwardly* …reproductive intentions. I mean,, when people ask about children,
they’re thinking of cute kids with curls and blue eyes. But often when I hear
the question, it just sounds more like, “So…are you and your husband…you know,
doing it?” Speaking of which…that brings me to the next question…
Question Number 2:
Possibly more awkward than question number one, is the
straight up question of… “So…how was it?” usually accompanied by a wink and a
nudge. For some reason, people are extremely interested in a new couple’s sex
life. I don’t mind discussing things with my close girlfriends when I feel like
venturing information, but it’s just awkward to be asked that. It puts you on
the spot, and you aren’t just discussing something about yourself, but about
your partner as well. The privacy of two people is involved.
Question Number 3:
The frequency with which I receive this one is actually
astonishing. People ask me one of two versions of this question:
1: “Don’t you ever feed your husband?”
2: “You feed him too much!”
First of all…I don’t spoon-feed this guy. He’s a grown man
and he operates the fork on his own. We eat normal meals every day and he eats
until he’s full … like you know … a normal human. He makes his own choices
about what he eats or doesn’t eat. I’m not in charge of that. There are some
days when he’s hungrier than others, and some days when he’s not hungry at all.
But no matter who is doing the cooking, he has the ultimate choice of what goes
in his body.
Bonus Question:
“What do you do with your time?
I’m not even going to pretend on this one. In our household
there is a lot of cuddling, piggy-back rides (he’s tall, so it’s an experience),
and just sitting and talking together. People always talk about how the first
year of marriage is about getting to know your spouse, and it is. If you’ve
always lived separately before you were married, it’s great fun to go to bed
together every night and wake up together too. It’s nice to have someone to
share meals with, especially if the last several years, you always ate alone.
We pretty much just spend our time together, and it’s wonderful.
The evenings and weekends fly by because we’re just enjoying our togetherness.
It might not sound very productive, and it probably isn’t, but it’s an
investment in another person and a relationship, so it’s always worthwhile.
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